Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's top entertainers devoted the broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he handles."

The subject was the new initiative that allows international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" option for $5 million. An official website promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message for you to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.